On figuring shiz out, personal style and my obsession with the killing (again)

Well, it has been over a year since I started this here blog. Tbh I've only really started to figure out who I am in the last year- eww cheesy i know. I think before I kind of bumbled through life and never really thought about much. Having this blog (and also my tumblr) has allowed me to keep a visual and written record of my thoughts and various fads. At first I struggled with the whole concept of blogging. I never really felt like I was interesting or 'cool' enough so I tried to be someone I wasn't. It is good to be inspired by other people but I think you can become trapped by it in a way. I forced myself to watch and listen to other peoples' favourite bands and movies to try and make myself more like them. This did help me to find some of the things I like now but it also meant that I was putting myself under pressure all of the time.
There is no universal set of guidelines that can be used to figure yourself out but here are a few things I have found that can work, or at least help:

• Listen to your parent's (or even grandparents) music recommendations. Good music will always stand the test of time! Also, don't be afraid to like music that is really wacky or even really cheesy/cringey. You secretly like that new one direction song? Don't be embarassed! It's your music taste and noone elses. Only you, and you alone, know what you truly like.
• Explore your neighbourhood/town/city. There are always interesting places and shops to discover.
• Steal (i mean "borrow") clothes from your younger sibling or a parent. The chances are they've already returned the favour.
• Go to a library, book store or charity shop and get the first book that grabs your attention. Books are a great way to immerse yourself in a new world. You never know, it could be the start of something great!
• Make art (or music or poetry or even a film)! Being creative can give you time to think as well as allowing you to experiment and relax.
• There's this tv show that everyone keeps talking about on your dashboard. You're getting curious. So what are you waiting for? Use all means possible to search out the show and allow yourself a day to sit and binge watch it. NOTE: this also applies to movies

I've really struggled to work out my personal style this year but have come to the conclusion that style is EVER EVOLVING and isn't something you can just pin down with a single label. The way I dress depends widely on my mood (and also on which clothes are in my wardrobe). I have realised that most high street stores are corrupt and unethical and now I mainly try to buy my clothes from thrift/vintage stores (although where i live they are annoyingly overpriced). Also, me and my friend Jade discovered this amazing flea market that sells literally everything. I always come away from it with tons of random junk stuff which I somehow manage to stuff in my tiny box of a room. I've learnt how to haggle as well which proves to save a lot of money (believe me i speak from experience).

I know it's only been a year but I often look back at my awkward july-october faze and cringe. I guess everyone has a cringey faze though; I think in a way it was probably the most important few months in the past year. I found out more about feminism and other issues through sites like rookie at that time. I experimented with my appearance more by cutting literally all my hair off and wearing slightly uneven winged eyeliner everyday. I guess you could probably say it was at the start of my transformation. I think this quote kind of sums up what I'm trying to say:

"Your identity as a teenager is supposed to change, whether it be year to year or hour to hour. Maybe you go through phases. Maybe you dye your hair blue and listen to punk music. In 10 years, you could still have blue hair—or you could be totally conventional. Changing is not committing to something forever-"

- taken from this article

I think in the end my teenage years will be one big weird blur that I will look back on and wonder what the hell I was thinking but idk. Maybe it will end up to be the source of my future wisdom.

*****

I feel like I haven't really been that open with you guys until now so I will do 20 facts about me…
(tbh i never really did a intro post on this blog so lets just pretend that this is it)

1. I have been a vegetarian since I was five (although i have technically been a pescetarian for the past three years)
2. I am addicted to buying terrible nineties jumpers and now have too many to count
3. I have always wanted to visit Japan, especially harajuku after gwen stefani showed me the light
4. My favourite movies are avatar and submarine, closely followed by juno, the royal tenenbaums and literally all the sean connery james bond movies
5. I am a real sucker for murder thrillers (as you can see from this post) and I am o b s e s s e d with the killing but also hinterland and sherlock
6. I know there was that whole trend for liking plants recently but I have always been genuinely interested in botany. Seriously, I probably annoy my friend when I point out the names of flowers and trees all the time!
7. I LOVE green tea and am slowly starting to appreciate coffee
8. I love love love making art but virtually always hate my final outcome. I am also incredibly scathing of other peoples art and it is literally a complete miracle if I like a piece of art
9. My favourite artists include gaugin, richter, matisse, hope gangloff and vermeer
10. My favourite bands at the moment (i say that bc i change my mind often) are arcade fire, alt-j, mgmt and the xx (although even as i'm writing this i'm changing my mind)
11. I have a MASSIVE crush on andrew garfield (but only with his old haircut) but matt hitt is a close second lol
12. I'm a feminist and I can't tell you how much it annoys me when people think feminists hate men gahh
13. My favourite colours are dusty pink, petrol blue and mint green (pretentious moi?)
14. I hate talking to people on the phone
15. My hair goes ginger in the summer so I think my hair is technically strawberry brown but idk if that's a colour¿?
16. I have a girl crush on sarah lund from the killing and I desperately want one of her fairisle knit jumpers \(^o^)/
17. I want to tour the scandinavian countries (and iceland) oneday in a vw camper
18. I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life but I am really interested in taking art or english at uni. I can kind of see myself writing for art/culture/photography/music magazines like i-D
19. Seeing the northern lights is at the top of my bucket list
20. My dream is to live in a cute london apartment surrounded by plants. I also hope to have a wardrobe full of vintage designer clothes. I always say that I would become a buddhist if I had to have a religion but I think I'm far too materialistic!
21. I know that I said 20 facts but I just remembered parks and rec! I am obsessed. I'm not sure who my favourite character is exactly but it would probably have to be ron swanson although I do have a bit of a crush on ben, I'm not gonna lie!

I also just wanted to say thanks for all the lovely comments that you guys have made on this blog over the past year! You always make my day <3

I will leave you with this swaggy tasteful picture of me and Jade (go check out her blog or tumblr btw)!

Joy xx

p.s. I have just got back from my holiday in Scotland so I should be uploading pics soon.